I'm having an, I guess, bittersweet final day of the year, so I'm going to borrow this questionnaire from Byzantium's Shores and reflect.
Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Again, I don't really do resolutions. I have things I'd like to do. This year I'd like to work more, lose more weight, get healthier, and not spend so much goddamn time online.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. My sister Jayne was pregnant, but... well, sadly only briefly.
Did anyone close to you die?
My pet rabbit, Thumper, after six and a half years with us.
What countries did you visit?
I've been spending a lot of time in Arakkis for the past month or so. It's nice, I haven't been there since I was in high school.
What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Money, security, a more stable job, insurance, self-confidence, more consistency in my depression cycle, less anxiety, better health, and a full night of sleep. Oh, and the Star Wars movies on Blu-Ray.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Actually losing weight this year! I was also more consistent in my exercise during the summer, swimming or walking nearly every day. I also gave myself the responsibility for cleaning in the household and stuck with it, and now I enjoy it. I've been cooking a lot more this year, and that's been great, too. I'd like to do it even more than I do now, I just lack confidence and imagination... I've spent so much of my life eating only a few kinds of foods, so I'm never sure what to try and make. If we just had some kind of financial security, I wouldn't mind being able to just take care and maintain the household. Oh, and my biography tumblr, because I just enjoy that so much.
What was your biggest failure?
I'd really like to have a more stable source of income. I also get discouraged too easily in my exercise, my weight loss, and my confidence in my abilities. But I think my biggest... I don't want to say failure, exactly, but my biggest hardship has been simply gaining control over depression and anxiety problems that sometimes feel insurmountable. Going off Lexapro was a double-edged sword; yes, I stopped gaining so much weight and got over that static feeling of not giving a shit about anything, but I also have less control over those problems. Some days I do much better than others, and the occasional Xanax helps (as do meditation and exercise), but there are times when I feel like I'll never get out of the grip of these things.
What was the best thing you bought?
Our Blu-Ray player.
Whose behavior merited celebration?
I don't know that I can think of anyone...
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Every Republican in America.
Where did most of your money go?
"My money" is mostly an unrealized conceptual possibility. What little money I had personally went to bills or the very occasional goodie like the Lego Lord of the Rings video game.
What did you get really excited about?
Voting, seeing The Avengers... reading Dune again. And swimming! I was so excited all summer about swimming, and I really, really miss it right now. Best time getting into shape.
What song will always remind you of 2012?
"Call Me Maybe," I guess. It's the only song I really know and associate with the sort of mainstream of 2012. Or "Stay Stay Stay" by Taylor Swift, just because I like it so much.
Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
I don't really know. I'm having a depressed day today, for reasons I don't even fully comprehend (I almost never do; it's like a chemical thing). But I spent much of the year happy, especially after spending two years before that being mostly static. Some days I feel more afraid, more depressed. But there are a lot of days where I feel in control and capable. I hope there are even more of those in 2013. I think I've been laying a good groundwork this year.
Thinner or fatter?
Thinner. Only barely, but thinner.
Richer or poorer?
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercising, cooking, meditating.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Getting involved in arguments about insignificant fan bullshit and engaging with ignorance. Life's too short. I really need to spend less time online. I also spent too much time blowing up at things in my personal life that aren't worth expending so much emotion on, instead of being reasonable. I think that might be a chemical thing (especially with my high blood pressure), but since I don't have the insurance or finances to see, you know, medical professionals, I've got to work harder to get that under control myself. I have this thing where the negative energy just sort of builds and builds and builds, seemingly of its own accord, and then explodes at the merest provocation. It's the thing I hate most about myself. Less of that in 2013, I really, really hope.
How did you spend Christmas?
Sick with some kind of bronchial flu. I'm almost better, but I'm still a bit sick. It feels like it's gone from a bronchitis to a low-level flu.
Did you fall in love in 2012?
Of course. Every day.
How many one-night stands?
I'm quite taken, but I have been having a torrid affair with Kristen Bell in my dreams for years.
What was your favorite TV program?
Well, I went through all of that yesterday. The shows I most look forward to during the week right now are Castle, Nashville, Bob's Burgers and Kat Dennings Says Quippy Stuff While Having Big Boobs and a Perfect Smile and Also Ryan Hansen Has a Perfect Smile and That's Just Awesome.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Why bother? Doesn't stop them from being awful so, you know, go and be unloved throughout life and I'll just focus on my own shit.
What was the best book you read?
Tell you when it's published--and I know it will be. I already read it, and it's wonderful. Also Dune. I also loved reading the big, thick The Making of Star Wars and The Making of The Empire Strikes Back.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hard to say. For the last few years I've been making my way through the history of rock music, and I got up through 1978 this year. I've been listening to a lot of older stuff that I didn't know I loved at all.
What did you want and get?
Lots of the pop culture-y things I talked about yesterday. A modicum of control.
What did you want and not get?
Sanity and reason in American politics, media and society. But I don't think that's coming. Ever.
What were your favorite films of this year?
I had that list up a couple of days ago, but Life of Pi was my favorite from this year.
What did you do on your birthday?
Mostly I was depressed around my birthday. Becca got me my great HULK MOOD shirt and made me a pie. I got a big, stuffed cheese pizza from my favorite pizza place and then ended up vomiting... symbolic?
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
I don't think I have one... I dress the same as I have since high school, tee shirts and jeans.
What kept you sane?
Not losing my sense of humor. Perspective. My wife. My friends. Singing badly. My biography tumblr, which just reminds me so much of how happy I was when I was a little boy. Star Wars, provided I talked to no one about it online. Meditating. Re-reading Dune. Good food. Cooking. Playing video games. Walks. Swimming. Not being self-serious or precious. Turning up soul albums really, really loud. Coffee. My bunny. My kitten. Naps. Coca-Cola in a glass bottle. Mood-altering drugs.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
What political issue stirred you the most?
Many of them. This was another stupid year politically. Right now I can't decide if I hate more that we're having an actual debate as to whether or not putting more guns in school is a terrible idea, or that we've got this fiscal cliff thing going on and a drive towards economy-crippling austerity.
Who did you miss?
Who was the best new person you met?
The only new people I meet are on Tumblr, but they tend to be rather fab.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
The pain of the loss of a loved one is the price we inevitably pay for having that love, but the fear of loss is not a good reason to hold love at arm's length.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Quoting my favorite George Harrison song, because at my best I still feel tentative, and I still have those moments, and one thing to keep in mind always is:
All I've got to do is to love you
All I've got to be is, be happy
All it's got to take is some warmth to make it
Blow away, blow away, blow away.
Let all those moments pass in 2013.